Human dignity for dummies

Just last night I watched the Assistant to the President For National Security Affairs Stephen Hadley being interviewed by CNN's Wolf Blitzer. Hadley was explaining to the public what changes the Bush administration wanted to make to the implementation of the Geneva Conventions. He made clear people shouldn't worry that much, there was just this little law to introduce, giving the USA immunity from prosecution for war crimes according to the Geneva Conventions. By changing the domestic law it would be possible to let the president carry on with "the program" undisturbed by the Geneva Conventions article 3. Article 3 could be left intact, there was just a little reinterpretation needed in the article's section C. Just C., no more. Just to protect our brave men and women from possible prosecution while trying to defend our country against the terrorist, mind you. The best thing was to just leave the C. part out altogether, but - hey, there are democrats and foreigners to consider..... even some softhearted Republicans.
The C. part is too vague, Hadley explained: "Outrages upon personal dignity, humiliating and degrading treatment “ what does it mean? We are not seeking ways to redefine this section but to improve it! After all, the people who run this program deserve clear legal standards and clear congressional support. "They want to be clear as to what is required, and they want it to be interpreted by U.S. law, not by opinions of European courts or other courts."
Hadley told us that top lawyers were working on it right now, and he thought it could be done.

Let's take a closer look at this article:

(a) Violence to life and person, in particular murder of all kinds, mutilation, cruel treatment and torture;
(b) Taking of hostages;
(c) Outrages upon personal dignity, in particular, humiliating and degrading treatment;
(d) The passing of sentences and the carrying out of executions without previous judgment pronounced by a regularly constituted court affording all the judicial guarantees which are recognized as indispensable by civilized peoples.

Now, I do agree there could be some misunderstanding by some people about what is outrageous and what is not. Where someone's personal dignity starts and where it ends. So maybe we should just add some lines to Article 3 subsection C. Here's my suggestion:

Captured persons should not:

1) be raped, including analy even if you consider this to be pleasant and not at all painful. If you do this, you're an animal
2) be kept awake - nights on end - by being exposed to loud music or bright lights. Do this - you're an animal
3) be made scared by giving the impression that your dog is about to attack, even if you know the dog will never bite. If you do, you yourself are an animal
4) be exposed to extreme heath or cold, even if you think finish sauna is a treat. Still wanna do it? You're an animal
5) be paraded around on a leash. If you do, you're an animal.
6) be dressed up by other men in women’s clothes. Do that yourself if that turns you on, preferably in the privacy of your own home. Force it upon prisoners - you're an animal.
7) be forced to urinate or defecate in their clothes. That would make you an animal.
8) be forced to watch episodes of "Friends", that's just... so gauche!
9) be submitted to experimental treatment made up by depraved lawyers who'd like to see if this latest trick will be considered illegal - these are obvious animals.

* When in doubt, contact the nearest civilized person in the vicinity to let them explain to you what this article is all about.